The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
