I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize