Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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