I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
