i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
