covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
