im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
