I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think i have two assholes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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