I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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