i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
