My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's shark week go big or go home
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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