I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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