I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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