found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
