i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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