I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
