Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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