god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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