Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
