Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
