I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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