never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
