hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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