I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize