she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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