Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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