So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
