I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
