Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
