It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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