Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
