Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
