My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
