You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
