Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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