i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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