The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your penis caused this!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
