i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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