I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
