fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
