Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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