DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
