my phone needs a breathalizer
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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