it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize