you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I use my feet as sexual weapons
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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