HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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