Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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