I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
