Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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