I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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