How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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