i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
