somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
