The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
