i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
