I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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