My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
