went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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