You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
