our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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