I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
