she was so not down for the gang bang
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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