I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
