ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
