i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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