I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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