hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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