She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
