Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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